I needed him when I didn't even know it.

I met Ainsley on a whim.  I had tried online dating and I had met someone prior and it didn’t go so well in the end.  I felt so heartbroken, I even cried about how south things had gone so quickly.  I didn’t understand any of it but I accepted it.  I had even chalked it up to not being lovable, or wanted, or desirable by anyone.  I had gone almost my whole life with not even being someone third option.  In a stereotypical way I was the ugly friend, though I never thought that way until I was in high school.

I was going to give up my search but I wasn’t going to do it until I looked one last time so I took my search from local to worldwide and that’s how I found him.  I clicked on his profile and it was pretty basic, pretty honest, and the one that that caught my eye was the fact that his favorite movie was Disney's Hercules.  I was sold.  The movie holds such a special place in my heart.   I messaged him frantic.  ‘Hi I was just searching through people and I found your profile and i saw your favorite movie was Disney’s Hercules!  Mine is too! Sorry for messaging you so late I don’t know what time it is where you live.  My name is Libby by the way!’ I’m paraphrasing but that is basically what I said, like a nutcase.  But he replied back.  Saying hi and explaining that he was up because he had surgery soon but he would message me when he was out of the hospital.  Part of me didn’t believe him but that was because my message was that of a crazy person.  I think I was just overly excited I had found someone I matched up so well with the sites personality quiz you can take.  The more answers you fill in the better matches you can find I think.  

He stayed true to his word though and messaged me once he was out of the hospital.  I’ve made friends online before and so I found this easy, even more so because Ainsley was great to talk to.  We had a habit of writing very long messages to each other which would result into one or two messages a day.  I was fine with that because we were slowly getting to know each other.   I started to go through a lot of personal things though.  I fell out of touch with Ainsley because of it but he was so understanding.  He made sure that I was okay and it took me awhile to tell him what was going on and he had so much compassion and for someone he didn’t even know in person.  But that’s just how Ainsley is I’ve learned.  I needed him when I didn't even know it.  He soon became the support I felt like I really needed, almost therapist like but someone who showed interested in me and my problems.  Soon I ended up with a boyfriend that lived three thousand plus miles away.  My first ever boyfriend.  The first person to like me for just me.  Some people never find the one person they can connect with, some do, and some find many.  I’m glad I didn’t give up because of one terrible experience.